Forgiveness in the Face of Disappointment

I was sharing a story over dinner this past weekend with my women's circle, about someone I held in close esteem volunteering to read my book, Coming To Forgiveness. I had hoped in doing so, one or two world-known endorsers would potentially be secured. After-all, this person knew lots of important people and I told myself, as a first time writer, I needed that support. I was counting on it.

I continued sharing the story of unfolded waiting, then waiting some more, before coming to understand that the volunteered support ultimately, wasn't going to happen. A couple of my circle sisters leaned in, as the wax dripped from the brilliant red candles on the dinner table. "How did that feel? What did you do?" With all the talk about practicing forgiveness in all situations, I could sense my circle sisters waiting for my response. And like a fresh paper cut, I reflected, as I took a breath.

"I was disappointed, very disappointed," I calmly shared. "But in those moments of recognizing what was not going to happen, I had a choice. I could recall the broken promises of my life and resort to feelings quite familiar. Feelings of resentment, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, sadness, and frustration. Feelings of regret and taking everything personally. Or, I could choose to forgive the unfulfilled expectation. And forgive myself for the longing." That's what I call disappointment; intentions or promises - sometimes from others, sometimes from myself, that go unmet. "When I saw the person, I treated them the same as always, with love in my heart."

I could feel a mixture of surprise, relief, and sweet acknowledgement in the posture of my circle sisters. And in that moment, I was reminded once again.

Life is filled with hopes, dreams, and wishes that sometimes are not satisfactorily fulfilled. A broken engagement, a forgotten birthday or anniversary, no acknowledgement for a job well done, shabby accommodations on a dream vacation, the anticipated phone call from a friend or loved one, or apology that never comes....the list is endless. And we, I, always have a choice in determining how I will respond.

In making forgiveness a lifelong practice, there will be times I will fall short of my own expectations. Depending on the circumstances of the deed, I may forget for a moment, a day, or a week my intention. But that's why it's called practice. During those times, it's comforting to know in my disappointment, I can choose to forgive myself, once again!