Yesterday's brilliant rainbow of purple, yellow, orange and blue was the perfect preparation for waking up to Valentine's Day. Today, I am remembering that 25 years ago, I married my husband John in Maui, Hawaii. Oh what a time that was feeling the meaning of love rays floating all around us as we spoke the words, 'I DO.' Rain fell lightly around the little church in Lahaina, as fire filled our hearts with the knowing we would be together for this lifetime. And then, as we burst out the doors hand in hand, a brilliant rainbow stretched boldly and intentionally across the entire sky.
As I look back at the pictures of me dressed in ivory, with this wide silly grin on my face, I shake my head in recognition of the places in me that I didn't know. All the blind spots, grit, and pebbles mixed in with the sweetness of honeysuckles. Oh you couldn't tell me I didn't know everything there was to know about love on that day. But whew, finding the meaning of unshakable love was coming around the mountain like a bullet train. Was I ready?
Over the years, what I would come to understand was that I wouldn't know fully, at a soul level what it means to love, until I was ready to do the vulnerable work of love with myself. I would come to understand that I couldn't completely love another until I loved EVERYTHING about me - every perceived blunder, fumble, judgment, and flaw. Every musty decay AND beautiful lemon drop of that which I know to be me. Ask me, "Was it challenging?" And I will truthfully say, "Heart work is some hard work", worst than getting on your knees scrubbing corners with a toothbrush. Um, now I'm dating myself.
And in the midst of it all, I found the key; that central ingredient that made everything savory. I found that forgiveness of myself for all the past moments of IF, WISH I WOULD HAVE and SORRY THAT I DID THIS OR THAT served not one purpose, but to keep me stuck from showing up fully and magnificently in my own beingness. So, here I am filled with gratitude, grace, and humility for the journey. It was wild and a many a day I found myself screaming, hair standing on my head, as life peeled my hands from around the handle bars, until I could completely let go. Here I am filled with the lightness for life, knowing what it means to love fully, graciously, openly, and joyfully...what it means to love unselfessly with forgiveness at the core. Forgiveness for myself, for others, and for my wonderful husband.
And, as I glaze out on this blessed day, I only ask one thing of myself and of each of us. To remember that every day is an opportunity to love - to give a warm hug, speak a kind word, and send our positive energy all around the world. Every day is an opportunity for forgiveness, the prelude for love; the key to our humanity.
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